7 practical steps to a stable marriage – what couples need to know

Posted in Marriage.

Today’s marriages are far from what God that they should be. So many people swear “I Do” on daily basis without first knowing that commitment and trust are part of the ingredients for a healthy marriage. Those who are into marriage already are settling their matters in the wrong ways. Our courts today are filled with divorce suits and counter suits. Knowing the ways to weather the storms of your marriage can save you the stress of fighting a useless battle with your spouse. In weathering the storms of marriage, there are steps people are expected to follow which may include the following:

Communication. When couples approach challenges with open communication when there are issues that are really troubling them, they are sure to get positive results. Talk with each other in a relaxed setting, sharing each other’s concerns, fears and hopes without criticizing or judging helps to build a healthy relationship.

Affection. Making it a point to tell each other “I love you” especially when you are in the middle of something awful, helps to calm a tensed nerve. Awful periods are the worst times to assume that your mate knows how you feel. It’s during the tough times that your partner needs the reassurance of your love even more.

Positive Mindset. Cultivating a positive and thankful mindset is one of the best ways to appreciate your spouse’s good qualities. Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, that no matter what the situation, there’s always something to be thankful for. When you have a positive focus about your relationship with your spouse rather than dwelling on his or her shortcomings, things will be better for you.

Plan. I have heard it a number of times that “he who does not plan, plans to fail”. When as a couple, you carve out time in your schedule, several times a week; to be alone and getaway from whatever is causing you stress, you will succeed with time in keeping a healthy relationship. I have couples who enjoy taking a walk together, going out to dinner, and having a picnic at the park. This does not just happen, but comes as a result of proper planning. If you do not understand your mate, it will be impossible to know when he or she is free to enjoy such a good time as that. A man complained to me the other day that he cannot possibly make his wife happy, and it was becoming very impossible for him to satisfy her. He told me that when he got up one day to have a quiet breakfast in bed with his wife before leaving for the office, that he got the shock of his life because his wife did not honour the invitation. One thing with people is that when they learn a new thing, they will be so eager to see it work out for them as a rule. If your family has not been following a method for a long time, introducing it will take a gradual process – nothing just happens so easily. Marriage requires planning.

Prayer. The Bible tells us that the family that prays together stays together. Staying together in prayer helps you to bring the things that cause you stress before God. It requires asking Him to help you discern what to do to ease the stress in your lives and to help you stay committed to your marriage. When you pray together, you let God into your family needs.
Counsel. Seeking counsel as a couple also helps you have the professional advice you may need to stay through to accomplishment (Proverbs 13:20). Depending on the problem, help might come from your pastor, a professional marriage and family counselor, or a financial adviser. As soon as problems start coming into your marital life, it is advisable to go for counseling, rather than wait until they become breaking points.

Watch. In marriage, both the man and the woman are posted as a “watchman”. Their duty is to make sure that no stranger takes advantage of the other person’s ignorance to plunder the home. The duty of the couples as “watchmen” in the home-front helps them to see challenges as opportunities to strengthen their marriage. Proper understanding of certain situations (rough spots) in your marriage can actually help in bringing the two of you closer. When you take time to watch over your marriage, you will discover that we are certainly living in a stressful world and that our lives are full of challenges. At this time, what is important is that you learn to support each other during the tough times, rather than allow life’s difficulties to pull you apart!

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