About child custody: never lose your kids

Posted in Divorce.

First things first, let’s talk about what I am not going to talk about.  I am not going to talk about and legal matters or give you any legal advice.  I will also not be discussing strategies with your for getting all the things that you want in your divorce.  If you are looking for advice like that I would suggest you talk to an attorney.  What I will be discussing in this article however is the different aspects of child custody and how vital it is to not harm your relationship with your children.

A very import aspect of all of our lives are relationships.  These start at birth and good or not so good these will continue throughout your adult life.  A positive relationship strengthens not only our relationship with ourselves but also with others.  On the flip side, a terrible relationship, especially those that occur in childhood can have adverse effects on your adult relationships.

Divorces seem to sometimes bring the absolute worst out of people as a divided union is separated in two parts, with both parts ending up with less than when it began.  For the children who tend to rely on their sense of security in that union, this can be upsetting to say the least.  Their trusting relationship is now broken and they can become uneasy about exactly how any new relationships will operate in the future.

Child Custody Relationship:

Your child is going to have a new way of life not matter what you and your ex agree to.  It doesn’t matter if they stay in the same house; the loss of their second parent is a new thing for them.  Assisting your children to handle this new routing and custody agreement is not their job, it is yours.  You should carefully explain their new schedule without getting upset, if you blaming your ex or causing any further emotional trauma during this change.  Now is the time to learn how to cooperate with your ex, even if that was not possible while married.

Child Parent Relationship:

It doesn’t matter what your visitation agreement is, the time you spend with your children is precious and it is yours.  Whatever you do, do not take your time with your children lightly.  Take the time to try and find out exactly what your kids love to do and then do it!  

Child-Child Relationship:

Children will blame themselves for your divorce even if you tell them it’s not until you are blue in the face.  No matter how unrealistically they will also wish that their parent will get back together.  Talk to your kids on a regular basis about how they feel to help them adjust.  Make sure that you have the heart to listen to the difficult things they may express to you.  This helps to teach your kids to cope a lot better regarding their new lives and will also lower the amount of self blame.
Let the lawyers hammer out the details of custody.  You should take this time to work on positivity during this tough period as this positive mental attitude will often be taken by your kids as well.

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  2. How to keep things civil during child visitation
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  4. Move away cases – move away madness in child custody proceedings
  5. Child support – can visitation be withheld if one parent doesn’t pay it?