We interact with others every minute of our lives: when we go on a bus, buy our coffee to go, call our best friend to chat about nothing, and when we go to work. We develop our communication skills through our environment, our family, and from our past experiences. We change, develop, and keep on learning, but there are some conversations that no matter how “experienced” we are, they are always difficult. I’m talking about the conversations that you need to plan ahead, and you will always be stressed about the other side’s reaction. In this article I’m focusing on one conversation in particular that we are all familiar with and hate: The “are we a couple?” talk.
I’ve had one or two of these in my life (ok probably a dozen), and below I’ve written for you my five golden tips to make you a little bit less stressed out when going to do the “talk”. I also want to give you one cool shortcut to try. Ready?
5 steps to confront the “are we a couple?” conversation:
1.PLANNING IS GOD- Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about spontaneity and live in the moment stuff, but when coming to this kind of conversation you will find yourself with much less stress if you know exactly what your part in the “play” is. You will be more in control, and you will be able to avoid those annoying thoughts of “what if?” that are bound to pop up. BTW- The fact that you are reading this article means you are already on the right path; talk about it with your closest friends, and consult with your family if you feel like it, for all of these things will make you more prepared.
2. KNOW YOUR TARGET-What do you want to achieve? Do you want them to say “you are exclusive” without the feeling that you made them say it? Do you want to share your feelings, or just clarify the fog above this issue? Do you want to hear “I love you” or not? These are small details but it’s important to know what expectations you have from this talk in order to achieve them and plan it correctly.
3. SEE FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE- Try to think about the other side’s reaction. If you’re in the “what are we” phase, you probably already know a bit about who you are dealing with. Think about their reactions in other situations, and how they dealt with those issues. Try to remember what they told you about their past relationships, and try to predict two possible reactions they could have. Prepare for both of those reactions, and if you know you are dealing with a less communicative person, think of a strategy that would fit their personality.
4. IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO- I know it sounds obvious, but a lot of the time (especially when we are anxious) we tend to forget to listen to the other side, and we find ourselves focusing on our prepared speech. It’s important to hear what our special ones have to say, and even more important to think about what they’re trying to tell us. For example, it could be that they’re afraid of commitment, and because we weren’t listening, we think they don’t want to be with us.
5. BE HONEST AND BRAVE- I know it’s much easier to talk about the weather, but try to remember that it’s only one day from your whole life and in a year from now you probably won’t even remember it. That’s life! It’s better to get it out of your system and just tell them how you feel- it’s all natural. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, and starting any relationship with open communication can only be good for your future.
Cool shortcut as I promised….
Recently I developed an iphone application called “JustUs” whose purpose is to avoid the “what are we?” talk, and to declare that from now on the couple is exclusive. The app creates a special bond between the couples’ iphones, and by sending it to your special someone, it can be your way to say to your partner that you want to be exclusive (without the whole world seeing it on Facebook). Basically the app writes you a push notification every time your date is thinking about you and watching looking at your picture. You can check it out at this link: www.capplefactory.com/justus or in the worldwide app store.