A friend of mine has had this mad crush on a colleague of his for over a year. She’s all he talks about. How beautiful she looks, how talented and articulate she is. They both love mountain biking and even share the same fondness for the same red wines. They’re close in age and have similar professional backgrounds. Sounds like a perfect match doesn’t it?
But he won’t even ask her out on a real date. Why? Because “She’s out of my league!” he always whimpers pitifully.
Now she most certainly is. Over a year has gone by and he’s never made a move on her. Worse, he’s now put himself in that awful hell known as being a “guy friend.” Men are almost never able to claw themselves out from that frozen wasteland.
Once a woman looks at you as being just a friend, it’s all over. You could sleep right next to her in the same bed and not get any action. You HAVE to make your intentions known right from the beginning. If you like a woman, then act like a man and let her know that you’re attracted to her! Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t take her out to Starbucks and tell her how sensitive and sweet you are. Act like a man, not a timid boy!
Ask her out on a DATE right from the beginning. Let her know that you’re interested in Her, and it’s not a platonic interest. Often times women will be attracted to a new man they’ve just met. But if that guy doesn’t make a move, eventually she’ll doubt his masculinity and move on.
“If he’s a real man with male interests and needs, then why isn’t he making a move on me?” she’ll think to herself. “Maybe he’s gay? Or possibly he’s just scared of women?”
Then she’ll move on and you’ll be stuck in friendship hell forever. Worse, you won’t even realize how you put yourself in that position, and the situation will repeat itself ad infinitum until you either find a woman that will settle for you, or you lower your standards significantly.
As far as my poor chump of a friend above, the object of his desire was never out of his league. He just built her up on a pedestal in his own mind. He let his own insecurities and doubts cloud his mind which made her appear to be unwinnable.
No woman is ever out of your league! Of course some guys will have more success than others. But if an average looking guy asked out 100 super models, at least one of them would say yes! You can improve that average with experience, and by developing real confidence in yourself.
Don’t settle for less than you deserve in life, and never doubt yourself! We have enough obstacles in life without turning ourselves into one.
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