Detrimental self absorption – narcissistic tendencies -

Posted in Friendship.

A Person Who Falls In Love With Themselves Will Find No Equal

In Greek mythology, this guy was a hero who was renowned for his beauty. In the various stories he is exceptionally cruel, in that he disdains those who love him. As divine punishment he falls in love with a reflection in a pool, not realizing it was his own, and perishes there, not being able to leave the beauty of his own reflection.

Coming from the Greek root for “sleep, numbness,” Narcissus has spawned a modern psychological concept which many use and understand. The root word does transmit a message. If you are “sleepy or numb” as a personality one could well see how that could be. Narcissus is not only bored, but boring. When you are the best and only subject, things get rather dry. And when you have already fallen in love with yourself, you have no competition. When you are in a race, and you are the only runner, it doesn’t stir the competitive juices, or even the fans’ juices. Who needs to cheer? Who needs to have a “rooting interest”?

Narcissistic Tendencies

1. Self Absorption - This is the first sign. You will meet lots of people like this. This is where the word “tendencies” comes in. While not full narcissists, many people today play “one upsmanship”. They can never just nod and smile and listen and let others tell a story that has its own quaint virtue and is, (drum roll and horns) about somebody else. Immediately, they go through their rollodex reverently and come up with a similar story that is just a little bit better than the one they just heard. Needing constant validation psychologically, but not getting it through healthy means, they just tell their own stories and make themselves feel good. They don’t know they are doing it really. If they heard themselves and understood that they are actually supposed to acknowledge when other people are talking, they would probably be appalled, but since they are who they are: sleepy and self-involved, they just rehearse their monologues while others are present.

2. Cruel and Sarcastic – Again, they don’t think they are being cruel and sarcastic, but how they relate has an automatic “put down” quality. It is as if your opinion, your observation, your input is substandard. The point here is to get a kind of self-love thrill from referencing one’s own masterful identity, against the meager puny self that the other person is burdened with carrying around in their weak little arms. Narcissists are not that smart. That doesn’t mean they can’t be extra intelligent, they can. If their specific love, passion or avocation is how they see themselves, they can be obsessively fixed on a discipline or area of study. But remember, they don’t benefit much from another’s point of view. They can lack sophistication and complexity as their basic world is pretty easily organized: There is me and then there is me. There is what I love to read, and don’t bother me with something that does not fascinate me. A person who loves a Narcissist has to have patience and hold themselves back at times. If you say, “You just hurt me”, the natural response would be: “Don’t be so touchy.”

3. Unable to Relate – Empathy is a word you hear a lot these days. Sympathy is feeling for a person from your point of reference. Empathy is being able to actually put yourself in another’s position. Empathy takes desire, consciousness, sincerity and emotional maturity. They can not relate to your suffering, or your story, or where you are “coming from” because they do not engage in the mental process of putting themselves imaginatively in other people’s shoes. This is a polarized world, so you will read articles by writers and listen to conversations at lunch or at work in which you can tell this person does not relate to anything but their point of view. And when you say something it passes, not through an empathic side, but it bounces off of them. Topics are not nuanced. They do not blend points of view, they just keep making their points over and over again. Thoughts don’t evolve or get enriched or altered, they simply get repeated back with a different level of loudness. This is why religious and political conversations at parties are not smart. They say: “I came with my fiddle and I am a darned good fiddle player and I don’t care about your trombone!” Again, this is a human tendency, but highly exaggerated and extreme when you are dealing with a Narcissist.

4. “What’s The Big Problem”? – Falling in love with your own image is very natural. There is nothing wrong with that. I think I am captivating. This personality does not really think they have anything wrong with them. The world is out of step. They are missing the point. They think: “I really am wonderful

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