Factors that will doom your relationship

Posted in Friendship.

There are most common seven key warning signs of a potentially violent domestic relationship.

1. Passionate beginning of a violent domestic relationship and how to differentiate between healthy intensity and dangerous intensity.

2. Possessiveness, the kind that is normal in a relationship and the kind that seeks to control and dominate you.

3. Abuser’s make quick and sudden personality changes.

4. Abuser’s blaming behaviour, where you are wrong about everything, while the abuser is always right.

5. Verbal abuse, words that critisise, demean, and cut you to the quick.

6. The insensitive attitude abusers have towards the fate of others, and indifference that sets the stage for violence.

7. The violence is too often minimised and made acceptable, denied and pushed away, only to have it come back worse.

This artricle is addreses to those who want to be in a healthy, happy, loving relationship, as lovers, partners. or friends, and who fear that they might be on the receiving end of violance. In a world of increasing violence and fear, it is important to be able to discern who is and who is not likely to hurt you. Such knowledge is far preferable to the alternatives- avoiding relationships entirely to be sure you won’t get hurt or trusting to luck that somehow you won’t get battered.

Dangerous Relationships is not addresses to batterers or people who fear they might become violent in a relationship. The dynamics of those who perpetrate domestic warning lebel on a bottle of medicine warns you of possible side effects, just as the presence of a warning sign in a relationship doesn’t mean it will develop into a violent domestic relationship. However, a warning does not mean you should pay attention. The more warning signs present in the relationship, the more aware you should be to the possibility that you are at risk. The more intense the warning signs, even if they are few, the more alert you must become.

Does that mean if you notice someone you’re getting involved with is behaving according to one of the warning signs you should get out of the relationship? Not necessarily. What it means is that you need to pay attention to the warning sign and deal with it. People do, for example blame others, without such behaviour being indicative of a violent domestic relationship. Being aware of blaming as a warning sign gives you an opportunity to deal with your lover’s / friend’s blaming behaviour. If you are successful in communicating with your partner the impact of always blaming you, you can work together to find healthier ways of sharing responsibility. If, however, you cannot, and your lover/friend continues to blame for anything and everything, you may very well be in the beginning stages of violent domestic relationship and should start thinking seriously about whether you want to stay in that relationship.

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