How do i help my children cope with our divorce when i'm barely hanging on?

Posted in Divorce.

Coping with divorce is tough on the adults in the situation. It’s even worse for the children who feel as though their worlds have been turned on end. The two things they were most sure of in life have suddenly proven to be incorrect and the fallout can be devastating. For many adults in this situation it’s tough to give the children the love and support they need because their pain is so raw and intense.

Here are a few things you can do that will help you and your children on the road to recovery after a divorce has turned your worlds upside down.

Talk to them about Their Feelings

Divorces are painful for everyone. Children feel things and process things differently than adults do. It’s very important to find out how your child feels about the divorce and what it means for him or her. Let your child explain his or her feelings and ask questions. The one thing you want to make sure is understood in all of this is that it’s not your child’s fault.

Put Your Child’s Fears to Rest

You also need to find out what your child fears most in all of this so that you can set out to reassure your child. If you spend a fair amount of time working to try to calm your child’s fears and deal with your child’s emotions then you’ll find that you’re able to push your own swirling emotions aside for a little while.

Sometimes the biggest fear your child has is that he or she will never see the other parent. Whether or not your relationship as husband and wife continues, you will always be bound to one another by the children you share. Make every effort to ensure that both parents remain involved in the lives of their children.

Give Your Children the Comfort of their Daily Routine

Children NEED routine in their lives. They like to know what’s expected of them and what comes next. Once they find out about the divorce they are going to need the comfort of a routine more than ever. Give it to them to the best of your ability. If the other parent read a bed time story to them every night, pick up the role and make sure they’re still getting their bedtime story.

Over time, the routines can be altered because one person simply can’t do the job of two. But, for the time being, try to stick to the routines. Staying busy by picking up the slack and falling into the “rut” of a routine will help you with the healing process too.


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