How to avoid divorce and get your marriage healthy again

Posted in Marriage.

Life can get very challenging if your marriage starts to take a turn for the worst. Anger, frustration, lack of understanding and feeling drained are all emotions that come with the territory. It is very easy at a time like this to let a few wrong moves send your relationship over the edge.

You may be finding it difficult to get your head around how you went from being madly in love with each other to being on the brink of divorce. There will undoubtedly be a lot of questions going through your mind at this time. It would be beneficial for both you and your spouse to minimise time around each other so you can think these things through.

That may sound counter-intuitive but you don’t want to get into the trap of panicking to find a quick-fix solution to all your marriage problems. Often, this mentality will do more harm than good. Allowing each other breathing space will provide time to reflect and avoid making any rash decisions. It may be tempting to switch off and immerse yourself in work. This can be helpful in the short-term, but eventually you’ll need to confront these issues head on.

Listening to advice that friends and family have to offer can also be useful. Be grateful for any given and take it on board but don’t let it influence you too heavily as you know your relationship best. Simply allow the different perspectives on a difficult situation to aid you.

During this period, don’t just blame your partner for the condition of your marriage; do a thorough self-analysis and question certain instances and destructive behaviour which have been guilty of. It isn’t necessary to endlessly beat yourself up over this. Recognise that there have been times where you were at fault, make a mental note of them and commit yourself to not acting that way in future scenarios.

You have to remind yourself that this is a process of growing and learning. Moments of pain and difficulty provide just as much opportunity to develop and improve your marriage . . . if you allow it to.

At this stage, you should have an argument and B.S. free discussion with your spouse. This is the time where need to talk and listen to what’s been on your minds, breakthroughs you may have made, aspects of your relationship you want to work at and so on. Take your time to clear the air and completely getting into argument mode, you are through with that now. Exchange sincere apologies and vow to put the past behind.

Be wary of saying this if you don’t mean it as dragging up previous events will likely create more distance again. After this discussion, you should feel a sense of achievement and have a clearer understanding what you both need to work on.

Don’t expect your marriage to improve hugely overnight; it will be a gradual process with slips and bumps along the way, but the rewards that the road to marriage recovery bears vastly outweigh the effort it requires.

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