How to avoid having an unhappy marriage

Posted in Marriage.

Unfortunately, there are couples out there who feel completely unfulfilled by their marriages and it fails to bring them the happiness that they thought it would. Sometimes, this is due to an element missing in the relationship; perhaps communication, romance, lack of understand, mixed beliefs or feelings of neglect.

In other cases, in can be a result of two unhappy people who happen to be married to each other. Either way, it is important to recognise that divorce won’t necessarily make you any happier and be the answer to all your prayers. Instead, you should commit yourself to understanding what issues you and your partner have, and resolve them.

First, an examination is in order; establish if you are feeling unhappy with your marriage or if you are unhappy in general. This is half the battle, but it requires that you be completely honest with yourself. In taking time to think this through, you may uncover some factors which you hadn’t quite recognised previously.

If it is your marriage which is the issue, it is imperative that you discuss this with your partner. It won’t necessarily be easy or comfortable, but it is essential if you want your relationship to flourish once again. When doing this, make sure that you aren’t in ‘attack mode’ and being accusatory. Playing the blame game won’t help in the slightest.

Bear in mind that the aim of having this conversation is to get back onto the same wavelength and work together in finding a solution. Choose a time to have this discussion when neither of you are in a rush that way you can focus completely on what each other has to say. Be aware of how you phrase what you say also. For example ‘I feel that over these past couple of months, we’ve started to grow apart. I’d really benefit from working with you in changing that’

You are stating how you feel whilst remaining calm and logical. Initially, this approach may instead seem cold and mechanical but it provides the perfect environment to be constructive and make headway which is almost impossible when the situation is getting heated between the two of you.

Marriage counselling is a really great way to make progress in your relationship if you are struggling to express how you feel and get your point of view across. Also having time scheduled each week to talk things through can be more effective than a single discussion with your partner.

If you find that you are feeling unhappy in general, let your partner know. He or she may be wondering if it is instead due something that they have or haven’t done. They will also provide you with the support and understanding that can be really essential at such times.

You may be intimately aware of why you feel low. If this is the case, simply do what is required to get to where you want to be. This statement sounds easier said than done, but I would urge to not complicate matters for yourself. Keep it as basic as getting your life to where you want it to be. Don’t wait weeks, months or years to make these changes; start effective immediately.

This may involve handing in your resignation and working towards landing the job you’ve always been dreaming about, getting healthy and into better shape, giving up drinking completely or talking with your family again. As cliché as it sounds, be honest with yourself and make happiness the end goal.

Related posts:

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  2. Coping with jealousy in your relationship
  3. 3 useful tips you can use to save your marriage
  4. Marriage myth
  5. Save your marriage – a how to guide