I see people coming out of a divorce or the ending of a long term relationship and wondering how to learn from their big breakup. They want to start anew their search for lasting love.
With the newly divorced I give a standard “Inoculation”. I have found that most people don’t heed my warnings, but what the bleep, I try. I have also had many thank me and say they remembered my warnings and avoided some of the disasters.
Here is the post divorce inoculation. Ignore at your own risk!!!
You are more vulnerable to accidents for the first 3 to 6 months.
Don’t drink, at all. Don’t drink more than one drink, if you must drink. This seems obvious, but most don’t know the extent that drinking increases after a divorce. Accidents include walking, biking, driving, sitting or any form of movement.
You are going to be in a tither with moments of downright madness.
Slow down. Look around because you are easily distracted. I want to offer you a personal air bag that fits on your forehead.
Insurance companies increase your car insurance rates when they discover you are divorced. Their actuaries can show them the numbers that back this up. We crash more cars after divorce. We walk into traffic, bump our heads, trip more than any other time in our lives.
We are a little crazy after a big break up.
Don’t listen to music in your car, especially country music. Some song will inevitably come on and make you cry, fogging your vision and increasing your chance of accidents. I warned one woman on a Friday and that next Saturday she ended up wrecking her car and ending up in the hospital with a slew of broken body parts. Turns out she had a couple of drinks, stayed out too late, drove home listening to sad songs and crying. She ran into the back of a moving truck.
Then there is the gift that keeps on giving…HERPES. Maybe someone mentioned this to you before, but go slowly into sexual relationships. Protect yourself and your partner. STD’s are no fun and some just never really go away. Permanent STD’s can really make it difficult to feel OK sexually. It’s not like the old days where penicillin could cure you.
Don’t go on a buying spree involving new cars, houses, or lifetime gym memberships. Don’t make any other long term binding decisions, like running away to get married in Vegas or Fiji or taking that new job offer in Buffalo, NY.
Bottom line: Slow down. Don’t make any big decisions for the first year.
Feel your way through the post breakup period. Return the red convertible and get your life back in balance before you make any important decisions.
To the rest of us you are going to be a basket case for a time. Don’t worry. We get it.
Oh, and by the way, it really takes a few years to get over this kind of breakup.