I know that it sounds crazy to list marriage counseling as a cause of divorce and even crazier to call it one of the greatest causes of divorce, but it’s true.
When people think of old-time farmers they usually think of a man of self sufficiency. If a farmer has a problem with one of his cattle, for instance, and there isn’t a veterinarian for miles around, he’s either going to figure out what needs to be done or lose his cow. Necessity is the mother of invention.
But what would happen if the farmer called a veterinarian who really didn’t know anything about cows but claimed to be an expert? Of course the veterinarian would do his best to save the cow but his motivation wouldn’t be the same as the farmer’s, who depends on the cow for he and his family’s livelihood. In that case the farmer is better off doing all he can without the interference that would come from a phony, even if the phony had authentic credentials. Now some people would think that even if the veterinarian was a phony at least he is a phony with experience. Although that may be true the real proof lies in whether the cow ends up living or dies, the result will testify to his experience.
Clinical psychologists and marriage counselors earn doctorate degrees and then call themselves doctors, which is somewhat misleading to people who place them at the same level as medical doctors; they are not! In the case of marriage counseling, statistics tell us marriage counselors are, for the most part, unable to heal sick marriages. The title of “doctor” is not the same as a doctor of medicine. A medical doctor takes an oath that obligates him to do everything he can to heal his patient. Medical doctors study long and hard the science of healing, a science that has been growing since the early part of the 20th century.
In general, doctors don’t play games with their patients; they reveal what they know and don’t know. When a medical doctor isn’t sure about what is wrong they tell you. Some of them refer you to an expert when it is necessary and others experiment a little bit if your malady isn’t too serious; you’ll be informed; but they never give up.
Clinical psychologists are not healers; they are essentially students who rarely have the same mental capability as doctors. To make matters worse, clinical psychologists pretend to be experts in relationships even though the vast majority of couples who go to marriage counseling end up divorced soon thereafter. To make matters even worse, marriage counselors typically have names and phone numbers of lawyers and mediators; they routinely give up. They give up because they don’t know how to help you and so they convince you your marriage cannot survive.
A Great Cause of Divorce is Having a So-Called Expert Tell You There is No Hope
I cannot tell you how many of my clients came to me because they were not ready to believe their marriage could fail – and it didn’t. But can you imagine how discouraged you would be if a cancer specialist told you that you were for sure going to die? Similarly when people go to incompetent marriage counselors and are told their marriage is going to die they naturally believe it, thus living out the prediction of a phony with credentials.
When is a Marriage Truly Doomed?
From my experience a marriage is never truly doomed. Yes, there are certainly a few situations that make a seriously happy marriage more difficult to achieve than most, but 98% of all troubled marriages can turn into spectacularly good marriages; yours can too! Don’t give up!