Marry Me: I Do
Written by: Nicole Foxx
Who should I marry? Who is right for me? Should marriage be divine? Is there someone predestinated for me?
There are so many unanswered questions that fall under the umbrella of who should I marry. A survey of 200 married women showed that 67% of them married because of “love; 30% out of financial obligation; and 7% out of fear. While these static’s are interesting, the mindset of these women is intriguing even more so and with out a doubt worth exploring.
Discovering the ideal candidates for marriage must start with you. Undoubtedly the message that is conveyed to the opposite sex, whether intentional or non-verbal has strong influence on the “type” of person that it appeals to. Generally speaking people attract the type of men or women they find less desirable and less likely to marry. Clearly, answering the above questions is not an exact science however; there are certain behaviors that can render more positive outcomes. The following four steps are designed to position single persons so that they send off the right messages:
- Deal with any “baggage” from previous relationships and childhood.
Studies have shown that in many cases people are attracted to those that are similar in character to their parent or parental figure. A woman may unconsciously choose a man that is similar their father and man may choose a woman that possesses qualities like his mother. Some Psychologists believe that this is “hardwired”; or predestined for both men and women. In light of this, it is vitally important to discover yourself and deal with all traumatic experiences, whether in past relationships or from childhood. Issues can be unveiled in counseling and/or though a spiritual relationship with God.
2. Figure out who you are as a person.
Explore yourself: your need and desires, physical, psychological and emotional. Do some soul searching by spending time alone, writing, reading and reflecting on you. Figure out what qualities you bring to the table. What are your strengths, weakness, opportunities for improvement? Analyze yourself with the objective of capitalizing on your strengths. Once you explore yourself you be able to identify qualities you will appreciate in a mate. Have clear objectives for yourself and put together a plan to accomplish your goals for career and life. Seek out a mentor or pastor; it is often enlightening to take in to account the observations of others. It may also be helpful to keep a journal of your daily or weekly accounts; noting your feeling/ emotions and later reading it out loud to yourself. This will give you an idea of events that lead to varies emotions and actions. Ignorance is not bliss and knowledge is truly powerful when used productively.
3. Don’t use fillers.
Whether you believe that there is someone designed specially to be your husband/ wife or not, it is unwise to use people to fill your time until Mr. or Ms. Right comes along. You will evitably miss them if someone else is distracting you or keeping you busy.
- Have realistic expectations and don’t settle.
Finally and perhaps most importantly, don’t limit yourself to a certain type of man or women. In many cases the person you marry is not the “type” you initially thought you enjoyed. If your knowledge of yourself and your expectation of a mate are clear you should stick to them. Anxiety is unattractive and uncomfortable to anyone interested in courting you. Settling, in my opinion, is one of the reason’s people are unhappy in marriages. Settling also send the message of desperation and people can “smell” desperation form a miles away.