Quick tip to improve your sex life: schedule it!

Posted in Sexuality.

Couples are always looking for tips and advice when it comes to improving their sex life. For men, it is often about frequency and spontaneity. For women, it may be quality time spent prior to sex or it may have to do with fulfillment.

Here’s a quick tip on how to improve your sex life: Schedule It!

Sounds simple, right? There aren’t many couples who do this. Why not? It is easier to implement than you think.

So, try to schedule your sexual time. There have been a number of books, such as 365 Days, A Memoir Of Intimacy, and articles lately about couples who have reignited their sex lives by committing to having sex every day. They claim it has helped their relationships by improving not only their sex, but their communication and commitment. One woman, in article in the Times of London, said by scheduling daily sex, the couple had “screwed themselves together” again. I like that turn of phrase. Leave it to our friends the Brits!

Others are writing about scheduling sex less frequently, but scheduling it nevertheless. This is interesting because the schedule not only assures there will be sex, but relieves the pressure on the “off” days. They say this allows them to cuddle and be close without the pressure of wondering if this is going to lead to sexual requests.

I can’t tell you how many times in my work that one partner, usually the woman, says that cuddling, kissing and fondling are anxiety provoking because it “always” leads to sex and can “never” stop at just being close. Scheduling sex makes it clear that both partners soon will have their needs met without the awkward negotiating each time.

Scheduling also has the advantage of helping with our busy schedules, chronic exhaustion, and the distractions of everyday life.

The downside, according to many, is that spontaneity is lost. While that may be true regarding when sex occurs. I would suggest that the critical part of spontaneity is what we do sexually, not when.

No matter your reaction to this notion of scheduling your sexual time, discuss it with your partner and find out what the two of you want. Put your own spin on this and see what you can create that makes you both happy. After all, the most important part of the sexual relationship is your agreement about what you want as a couple.

Have fun!

 

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