Restoring your marriage after an affair

Posted in Marriage.

Beginning your marriage life again is not an easy process after admissions of infidelities and other betrayals of your wedding vows.  Trust has been severally damaged and sometime inretreivably so.  If your marriage is able to survive at all, it is guaranteed to be a slow process with many bumps in the road. 

Trust is something that will not be restored overnight.  There will be many times when both you and your spouse will want to quit.  The pain caused by the betrayal and the task of having to rebuild will seem too overwhelming to most.  The sad fact of the matter is that only 35% of marriages will survive an affair.  Time stops, your whole life crumbles before your eyes and all you can think about is how this could have happened to you.  You will want out.  This is guaranteed.  But how you handle it from here will show what God has in store.  He may give you your pass and let you move on.  Or he may tell you in His perfectly comforting voice that you have the strength to press forward and save your marriage.

No one said either option would be easy though.  Only though the grace of God will you be able to survive whatever decision you make.

The restoration process will consist of many things. 

Complete and total honesty is paramount.  You need to confess and hold nothing back.  If you are asked, don’t hide it.  The damage has already been done and dodging the questions will only make things worse. 

Don’t complain or feel put out when your spouse feels the need to check up on you.  They’ve earned that right.  Hand the phone to a friend when he or she calls just to confirm you are where you say you are. 

You need to want to change.  You may have gotten caught, or you may have confessed, but without your deep desire to want to change you habits and ways you will find yourself right back where you started. 

And one of the most important things is that you need to have your spouse as your best friend again.  They were once.  When you both said “I do”, you meant it.  There was no one else in the world that you wanted to spend time with.  But over the years your feelings had changed.  You no longer held your intimate conversations for just your wife or husband.  You began to share you heart with someone else.  Probably innocently at first but it didn’t take long for your heart to lead you to inappropriate relationships.  You need to guard against this.  You will find no better friend than the one God joined you with all those years ago. 

 

These are the basics to start with.  There is much work yet to be done.

 

Until next time,

Josh

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