Stop, look and listen! – what to do when your relationship is falling apart

Posted in Marriage.

Figuring out what to do when your relationship is falling apart can be a daunting task. There are definitely things you should and shouldn’t do. I would like to share a few practical tips that will help you realize success in your quest to resuscitate and restore your relationship:

Truthfully Assess Yourself. This is where you have to come clean and recognize what things you have contributed that have damaged the relationship. Be ready to face your faults, admit them, and change them. This will be a very eye-opening exercise, if you will be completely honest with yourself. No one likes to admit when they’re wrong, but until you do so, there will be no solutions to the problems. This is not the time to point out the faults and failures of your partner. This is not about making excuses or justifying your actions. Playing the blame game here will absolutely de-rail any chance you have of salvaging your relationship. Being truthful with yourself is an absolute must, and crucial first step, in deciding what to do when your relationship is falling apart.

All Behavior is Motivated. No matter how negative, destructive and unreasonable a person may be, the truth of the matter is that there is a motivation behind that behavior. You need to critique your behavior that is causing a rift in your relationship and figure out the cause, or motivation, behind it. Often these motivations can be traced back many years, even to childhood. This is especially true with behavioral patterns and habits that are dysfunctional. Whatever they may be, it is time you find them and fix them before they completely ruin your relationship for good. This may require the help of a counselor or relationship counseling program to enable true and lasting success. There are some excellent on-line marriage, and relationship, courses that provide top-notch quality and advice. Fresh insight and new information will provide you with new ways of thinking. Don’t shy away from getting outside help – saving your relationship may depend upon it.

Check Your Attitude. Have you fallen into a habit of negativity? There is nothing that will drag a relationship down harder and faster than a negative attitude. Negativity, if not countered, has the ability to suck the life out of your relationship. Are you plagued by the “cup half empty” syndrome? Do you have a habit of complaining and grumbling all the time? Is everyone and everything just not good enough for you? Are the words you speak discouraging and defeating to your partner? If you do not keep a daily check on your attitudes, you can quickly develop hurtful and destructive tendencies that will ultimately ruin your relationship. Pondering what to do when your relationship is falling apart must include a comprehensive attitude check.

Improve Communication By:

  • Objective Listening. Don’t presume you know what your partner is trying to say or how they feel. Let them voice it and explain it. Many time we listen for only what we want to hear or for what will be beneficial for us to hear – this is subjective listening and if not corrected will aid in the demise of your relationship. You must learn to listen objectively or critically – if you don’t you will likely miss the point your partner is making and communication will begin to break down.
  • Staying Away From Accusations. Considering what to do when your relationship is falling apart also necessitates what not to do. And accusing or blaming is definitely something you must not do if your are interested in saving your relationship. Even if it may be warranted, accusing your partner of being the cause of all the problems will only add more fuel to the fire that is already devouring your relationship. Besides, it takes two to tango! You must take responsibility for your actions, or inactions, and stay away from pointing the finger.
  • Giving Compliments and Speaking Positive Affirmations. If you are questioning what to do when your relationship is falling apart, I can almost guarantee that you are not speaking near enough words of affection, support and encouragement into your partners life. We are inundated daily with negativity and discouragement – in the news, at work, and far too often at home, with our partner. But this cycle can be broken, and must be broken, if you are to salvage your relationship. You must make the effort to ensure that you speak words that will build your partner up and encourage her/him. Refrain for

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