Although I had my first boyfriend at about 14 or 15, I didn’t really learn about the opposite sex until my first love as a grown woman. I was naïve and young when I actually fell in love with one of my managers at work. I was in my late teens when I first met him. There weren’t many years in age difference between us but he had already graduated and had been living with his high school sweetheart for years when I met him. I was in my senior year at high school, so to me, he was the elusive “older man”.
After years of having this enormous crush on him it was rumoured throughout the work place that he had broken up with his long time girlfriend. My heart skipped a beat! By now I had graduated from high school too and was living with my own high school sweetheart. Here I had been secretly longing for this man for so many years and now I possibly had a chance with him? But no, I couldn’t, I had a boyfriend. I had already gotten used to not ever being able to “have him”. There was nothing I could do, or was there? All I knew was that after hearing about Ewan’s break up with his girlfriend. I started to feel things for him that I had never felt for another man before. I couldn’t understand how one man could totally take over my thoughts and I was actually taken aback by my feelings for him. It didn’t make sense, I always had the boys chasing after me but Ewan had never “chased” after me, or even expressed interest in me, so why was I so intrigued by him?
I identify the events that followed as the beginning of my own Man Safari:
I’ll never forget Ewan’s dark hair and big green eyes. He had this way about him. I thought he was so intelligent, older and wise. He exuded confidence. I giggled my way through work with him and shook my head at night for how foolish I had been that day at work.
Sure I remember falling in love when I was 16 and again at 18 but with Ewan at work? Oh, it was different. I had had a crush on him since high school when they brought in a new manager to the place where I worked part-time and he became my new boss. Instantly, I thought he was amazing. He was sooooooooo cute and sexy, I practically wet my panties just listening to him give the staff direction. I took every shift he gave me back then and now as an adult woman with a boyfriend, I was having erotic dreams about him! Ewan had never paid much attention to me. He had always had a girlfriend. So why was I so taken with him? All over again, now that he was single, my feelings for Ewan became intense and odd to me. I explored these “odd” feelings by trying to engage my own boyfriend in more romantic and erotic adventures but all I discovered from those experiments was how similar all of my past relationships had always been.
Even from a very young age, I had always had the “upper hand” in almost every single relationship. My mother had only ever been with my dad, an abusive, alcoholic man with monogamy issues, so I guess I had vowed to be different. Throughout high school, I did have boyfriends but I always managed to break things off before they broke things off with me. I protected myself, guarded myself and I guess I never truly let a guy get to know the real me. Heaven forbid should I ever let a guy see any vulnerability or weakness in me. So, I just admired Ewan from a distance and I did my best to remain consistent and as professional as possible.
Ewan however changed. He started flirting with all the girls at work; he would join up with staff for drinks and started to arrive late to work from a night out of partying. I heard through the grapevine that he had even been out with Sandra, one of the girls at work. Damn, I wished it had been me but how could I be thinking those things about a man when I was living with my boyfriend?!? But I knew Ewan in his younger years had been totally punk and I could see that coming out in him once again and it excited me. I loved his punky, wild streak. I had to keep it cool though; we were work colleagues, both now in management positions and had an image to maintain for our employees. But what girl doesn’t get weak at the knees for a “bad boy”?
The day came however when I couldn’t contain myself any longer. I completely forgot about my poor boyfriend at home, my professional image and threw everything out the proverbial window! One day Ewan arrived late for work with his gorgeous dark hair completely streaked blonde. He strutted into work in his sexy casual clothes and a Subway sandwich he had just grabbed on his way in to work. All the girls at work silently gazed at him and when I saw those wild sexy streaks in his hair as he walked passed and winked at me, my tongue just about fell to the f