If you’ve been thinking that your attempt to get your ex back is a hopeless one, you are well advised to change your outlook to a more positive one. You’ll be surprised at the number of people who manage to revive a failed relationship. In truth, it is not a phenomenon restricted to any one culture or part of the world. Stories come from around the world of both common people and celebrities who broke up and then got back together.
A couple of my own acquaintance got back together five years after a divorce, and even married again! It may serve you well to know how psychologists explain this phenomenon, if you are looking to get back with your ex.
What Leads to a Break Up
In the first phase of their relationship, people are generally focused on discovering who the other person is, and they can’t help but compare what they find to their own benchmarks for a good partner. For instance, if your girlfriend finds out that you are very laid back in matters where she would prefer a person to be proactive, she is most likely to feel disappointment. So, when you find out qualities that disappoint you, what do you do? You try to change them. This is where problems start. People have unrealistic expectations of change, and this leads to fights between couples.
Besides, in trying to change your partner, you tend to become obsessed with their faults. This leads to further disappointment, anger and frustration. A break up eventually follows. But then what happens after the break up is the important thing for you to know, if you are to get your ex back.
Why Couples Get Back
When people begin to experience the void left in their lives by the absence of their significant other, with whom they shared such intimacy, their perspective begins to change. The situation is not immediate anymore and emotions are not running high. It is then that one begins to develop a more balanced perspective of the situation, and begins to question whether it was all that important to change one’s partner. Acceptance begins to replace the desire to see urgent change, and the second time round partners are a lot more accommodating.
The Lessons For You
If you want to get back with your ex, you too will need to make the transition from a ‘changer’ to an ‘acceptor’, and bring down your expectations. Your partner will need to do the same. However, as follows from the analysis just described, you will both need time and space to look at things differently. So, to revive your failed relationship, it may not be such a bad idea to lay low for a while and give your partner some time to think.
Furthermore, when you give your partner some space, you will be giving them the opportunity to miss you, which is crucial if they are to feel the longing to be with you again. This does not mean that you should necessarily abandon all attempts at communication. It may actually be a good idea to stay in touch and remind your partner that they are still important to you. however, the exact communication strategy you choose to get your ex back, should depend wholly on the dynamics of your specific relationship.
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