Understanding your partner's wimpiness (or overbearingness)

Posted in Marriage.

Do you sometimes feel like your partner is a wimp or a pushover?  Or do you experience the other end of the spectrum where you feel like your partner pushes you and others around and is down right overbearing?  This happens far more than you might think.  And, it happens in a variety of ways.  Stereotypes often surround men being “wimpy” and women being “overbearing”.  Those men may experience being called sissies, along with other unpleasant names, while those women get called everything from bitches to … well, we won’t even go there.


The truth is that labeling someone is really only placing our own projections upon him or her.  Now, it is true that some people have serious issues from their past that they may need help dealing with, and this can come out in the form of fear of standing up for one’s self or in the form of trying to control others, but that is most certainly not always the case.


So, what am I saying?  Well, a couple of things actually.  First, whether we like it or not we all tend to project our thoughts and feelings onto others.  We unconsciously base others’ behavior on our own life experiences, our own perceptions, and how we believe others should behave.  Projecting onto other people is not our fault.  It just is what it is, but it is so important for us to recognize that we do it.  When we become aware of this we can stop, breathe for a minute and then acknowledge that what we perceive to be the truth might not actually be the truth for the other person.  In fact, if we really look at why we believe someone is being too soft or too harsh, we might discover something about ourselves that we had no clue existed.  After all, who are we inside?     


Second – wait, get prepared this may me really shock you!!  Okay, ready?  Here goes.  We are all masculine and feminine.  Yes, I said we are ALL both masculine and feminine.  Men cannot all be pushed on one side of the line and all women on the other.  It just doesn’t work that way.  We are spiritual beings, and we consist of both masculine and feminine energies and qualities.  Yes, genetics play a role in our behavior as the soul integrates with the body.  And, yes, our culture and our upbringing play a role in how we behave, too.  Yet, the deepest part of us – the deepest part of our individual souls – is a balancing act between the masculine and the feminine.  These are both beautiful aspects of ourselves. 


The masculine symbolizes strength, power, and bravery.  The feminine symbolizes compassion, empathy and gentleness.  When we stop and really think about it we can recognize all of these attributes in ourselves.  Then, perhaps, we can begin to understand that we truly do carry both the masculine and the feminine, the yin and the yang within us.  What does that have to do with someone being “wimpy” or “overbearing”?  Well, sometimes the feminine qualities show up more strongly within us and vice versa.  This, in of itself, doesn’t make someone weak or controlling.   


It is past time that we come to recognize, acknowledge and honor the masculine and feminine within in all of us!  The labeling and name-calling needs to be set aside.  Love your partner.  Unless he or she is harming you to a point you can no longer endure, accept his or her qualities – the gentler ones and the tougher ones. 


And, remember to take a look in the mirror before judging your partner’s behavior.  

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