Would you put up with a workaholic partner and no sex?

Posted in Sexuality.

Andrew was a very handsome and fit twenty-seven year old. He self-referred for therapy because he confused about what to do with his relationship. He had first met Cherie five years ago when they had an instant attraction, but because she was already in relationship, they only saw each other as friends and did not have sex for nine months. When they found themselves alone together one weekend when their group of friends was on holiday, their desire for each other sparked uncontrollably. Cherie left the other man and she and Andrew proceeded to have fabulous sex over the next four years. They did not live together, but saw each other constantly.

Gradually Cherie became more and more involved with her work. Andrew believed that she was trying to prove that she could be as successful as her father. She became totally absorbed in her role as financial advisor in a major corporate organization, working between sixty to seventy hours a week and began to complain that she was too tired to have sex. Eventually Andrew exploded and threatened to call off the relationship as a bluff to entice her to improve their sex life. Unexpectedly, Cherie agreed to call it all off, and the couple separated.

They stayed apart for nine months, and Andrew began seeing other women but found that no-one gave him the sense of intimacy that he had had with Cherie. A chance meeting re-­sparked their love and they moved in together. Andrew was excited about the fantastic sex they had for the first month but totally disenchanted when the same old excuses resurfaced. She was working longer hours than ever and had taken on the challenge of an MBA at university as well!

This time Cherie also started to pass the blame onto Andrew, saying that he just didn’t turn her on the way he used to. He became completely fed up when, after refusing to have sex with him for three weeks, she went out with her girlfriends one night and came home drunk. She made love to herself with the vibrator in bed next to Andrew and fell asleep, leaving him crawling up the wall.

What was he to do? Was it true that Cherie had just lost the chemical connection with him? Or did she just feel so guilty about, but so committed to, her workaholism, that she didn’t know how to help herself or Andrew and it was easier to just let go of the relationship?

Cherie refused to come to therapy. She was too busy with work of course.

This was the last straw for Andrew and he moved out, this time for good. He deserved better. 

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